A
Narrator: … Greg and the Professor now have most of the expressions they need: to hand in one’s notice, odds and ends, out of order, to put up with somebody or something, every modern convenience, to show somebody round, to lose one’s way, V.I.P. (Very Important Person) and to exceed the speed limit. They are now going to listen to the tenth tape.
* * *
Prof: I hope Greg won’t be early. I must have a bite of something to eat.
Waitress: Beg your pardon?
Prof: Oh nothing.
Waitress: What would you like?
Prof: A cup of Galaxy vapour with cream and a Moondust sandwich, please.
Waitress: Sorry, we’ve run out of Moondust sandwiches. Why don’t you try the fried Saturn rings?
Prof: Fine.
Waitress: Help yourself to salt, dear.
Prof: Thank you. How much is that?
Waitress: That’ll be 40 for the vapour-cream and 60 for the sandwich. Exactly one new galaxy piece.
Prof: Have you got change for a 10 piece note?
Waitress: I’d prefer it in small change, if you have it.
Prof: It’ll be very small, I’m afraid… Thank you.
Waitress: Thank you.
Prof: (to herself) Now to find somewhere to sit. Why there’s Greg! Hello Greg!
Greg: I’ve been looking for you everywhere.
Prof: Didn’t you find my message?
Greg: No. But never mind. I’ll have a snack, too.
Prof: Try the fried Saturn Rings. They’re delicious.
Greg: We could listen to N. O. Hope while we are eating, though, couldn’t we?
Prof: Yes, why not. Let’s take the sandwiches up to the lab.
Greg: Hm, these really are delicious sandwiches.
Prof: Well, sit back and enjoy them while we listen to N. O. Hope.
B
N. O. Hope: This tape is about some cooks in an English restaurant making a special Hungarian meal for some tourists. It turns out to be a case of too many cooks spoiling the broth. Cooking in the 20th century was still done mostly with fresh ingredients, but ready-made food, frozen food and tinned goods saved the housewives a lot of time. Food varied from one country to another and some countries were famous for their cuisine. A lot of people had to watch their weight, though, and dieting was rather fashionable. In those days people used gas or electric cookers which had rings on top and an oven for baking and roasting. Cooking took up a lot of time, but I think meals in those days tasted better than today when everything is condensed into tablets and bars.
Greg: Funny that we have gone back to the old methods again.
Prof: A good thing, I think. It must have been awful to eat all your food as tablets. I love seeing what I am eating. Tablets… Ugh. But have another Saturn ring.
Greg: I will. But won’t you have another?
Prof: No, I’ve had enough, thank you. You eat them up while I put on the tape.
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C
(Tape)
Woman: I don’t think much of this restaurant. Half the things on the menu are off already.
Man: Well, it’s nearly 10 o’clock you know, of course some things have run out.
Woman: And quite honestly this roast duck and chips is horrible.
Man: What’s wrong with it? My fish and chips is delicious.
Woman: The duck’s tough and the chips are too salty. Send it back, Max!
Man: Oh, I can’t… you’ve eaten half of it already.
Woman: You don’t like complaining, that’s your trouble. Waitress!
Waitress: Yes, madam.
Woman: This duck and chips won’t do! The duck’s tough and the chips are oversalted. Tell the manager I want to complain.
Waitress: Yes, madam. I’m sorry, madam.
Man: Oh, darling!
Woman: Well, if you really want your group of tourists to come here, you should make sure the food and service are good.
Man: But they are good!
Woman: Well, if you complain a bit and show them that you’re the boss, they will be even better when the tourists come.
Manager: Is something the matter, madam?
Woman: Well, the duck wasn’t as good as it should be.
Manager: Here’s another serving, madam, I hope it will be tender this time.
Man: I’m sure it will.
Woman: Otherwise I won’t let my husband book that party of 40 tourists from Bucharest for lunch!
Manager: Oh!…
* * *
D
Chef 1: I must say I’m fed up with always cooking chips and something. That’s the trouble with English people – they’ve got no imagination. Whenever they eat out it’s always chips and fish, chips and sausages, chip sandwiches, chips and chips even…
Chef 2: I quite agree. I’d give anything to have a go at something different for a change.
Manager: Well, here’s your chance. It turns out that the complaining people wanted to try us out and they’ve booked lunch for a coach-load of tourists from Bucharest on Friday the 13th. They want us to arrange something really special… Now there you are! Put your heads together and try that. Here’s our chance for some publicity at last!
Chef 1: Bucharest? That’s the capital of Albania, isn’t it?
Chef 2: No, that’s the capital of Bulgaria!
Manager: Oh, you fools! That’s the capital of Hungary!
Chef 1: Aa! Then do you know what? Let’s make them feel at home by giving them a real Hungarian meal. I’ll get my Hungarian recipe book…
Chef 2: Have you got one?
Chef 1: Yes, but I’ve never had a chance to use it before…
* * *
Chef 1: Now, here’s the book. Let’s see: Chicken Paprika.
Chef 2: Have we got the ingredients?
Chef 1: Chicken, onions, paprika, lard for frying, sour cream. Dumplings. That’s no problem. Or what about this: Fishermen’s Soup. Carp – hm, we could probably use sea fish instead.
Chef 2: Or look at this: Stuffed Savoury Pancakes à la Hortobágy. I say there’s an awful lot of paprika in all these recipes.
Chef 1: All the better, then they won’t notice it if some of the ingredients aren’t quite right.
Chef 2: That’s it. Make it good and hot and that’s all there is to it!
Manager: Have you decided yet what it’s to be?
Chef 1: Yes, we’ll have Fishermen’s Soup followed by Stuffed Savoury Pancakes and Chicken Paprika with dumplings, with apple strudel after that. We’ll make them a meal that they’ll never forget!
Chef 2: You’ll get your publicity, sir. People will come from far and wide to eat at the Red Tulip!
Manager: That’s the spirit! Now make a note of the ingredients and I’ll have them delivered.
* * *
E
Chef 1: At last, at last! The great day of Hungarian cooking has come. First the soup. Let’s see… The fish.
Chef 2: We only managed to get frozen cod. You must cut up the fish into slices.
Chef 1: It doesn’t say if you take the bones out or not.
Chef 2: I shouldn’t bother if I were you…
Chef 1: (chopping noises) Now for the onions. Awful things, onions.
Chef 2: You want to put a bit of bread between your teeth. It helps, you know.
Chef 1: You might have told me that before.
Chef 2: Better late than never… Now for the paprika. Help me with this sack, could you? I hope it’ll be enough.
Chef 1: Well, it has to be good and spicy for these Hungarians, you know. Let’s try putting in 25 spoonfuls, for a start… All right. Now taste it, will you?
Chef 2: It doesn’t taste of anything much – you try it.
Chef 1: No salt. Add lots more paprika, too, while you’re at it.
Chef 2: It has to cook for several hours, so let’s try it later.
Chef 1: All right. Now what about the chicken? Have we got enough paprika left?
Chef 2: There’s plenty. First we should joint the chickens, then fry them with onions and lard.
Chef 1: Let me do that then, while you do the pancakes… Taste the soup again, will you?
Chef 2: O.K. … Oh, my God! Oh what can I do?! Water! Help! God! God!
Chef 1: You must have put in too much paprika.
Chef 2: Water! Water! I’m dying!
Chef 1: What can we do now? We can’t throw away ten saucepans of good fish soup.
Chef 2: Good?! We’ll have to add something. Perhaps sour cream.
Chef 1: But we can’t do that, we won’t have enough for the pancakes and chicken if we do.
Chef 2: Why not add a little milk to it then?
Chef 1: All right. You can add a little sour cream too… Now try it.
Chef 2: No, I’ll let you try this time.
Chef 1: All right…!!! Oh!!!
Chef 2: Here’s some water.
Chef 1: You’d better add all the sour cream.
Chef 2: What about the chicken and pancakes?
Chef 1: Chop up the pancakes and add them too. Instead of dumplings. A typical Hungarian meal – Fishermen’s Soup with Chicken Paprika and Pancakes à la Hortobágy… Taste it.
Chef 2: Ah, delicious. Waiters, you can serve it to the guests.
* * *
Manager: Ah, thank God! The ambulances have come at last!
Doctor: Where’s the patient?
Manager: The patient, doctor?! There are forty of them! Doctor, I think it’s food-poisoning.
Doctor: I’ll take a look.
Manager: Oh, what shall we do, what shall we do?…
Doctor: Don’t worry Manager, they will be well enough to fly back to Rumania in the morning.
Manager: Rumania?
Doctor: They came from Bucharest, didn’t they? That’s in Rumania.
Manager: Oh my God! A typical Hungarian meal for Rumanian guests!…
(End of Tape)
* * *
Greg: I’ll feed it into the Ex.Ex. and we’ll see what expressions we’ve got.
Ex.Ex.: to have a go at something, to eat out, I know what, that’s all there is to it, better late than never.
Prof: Fine! Now, I’ve got some coffee in a thermos flask, if you’d like some.
Greg: That would be lovely.
* * *