A
Narrator: … The Prof and Greg discovered that the first tape and translation both contained the expression: to hand in one’s notice. Slowly but surely they are collecting the expressions. The first four are: to hand in one’s notice, odds and ends, out of order and to put up with somebody or something.
* * *
Prof: (on phone) … so I’m awfully sorry but would you mind coming round to my flat instead of the laboratory?
Greg: Of course not.
Prof: I think you know where it is, don’t you?
Greg: In the new housing estate north of the stadium, isn’t it?
Prof: That’s right. My block is the yellow one, and I live on the 426th floor, number 41…
Greg: What did you say? Which floor?… Blast this video-telephone!
Prof: What did you say, Greg?
Greg: I said, “Bless this video-telephone”. Which block and floor did you say?
Prof: Yellow block, 426th floor, number 41.
Greg: Fine. I’m sure I’ll find your flat. See you, Prof.
Prof: Good-bye.
* * *
Prof: Ah, hello.
Greg: Hello.
Prof: Was the lift all right?
Greg: One was out of order, but the others were working.
Prof: Come on in.
Greg: What a nice flat you’ve got.
Prof: It’s nice, though I’d have preferred to have one facing south instead of overlooking the stadium. But never mind, I was lucky to get it at all, it’s a Galaxy council flat, you know.
Greg: You were lucky. Mine’s a freehold flat and you can’t imagine what it costs in upkeep.
Prof: Awful, I should think. But come into the living room and sit down while I get you a cup of coffee…
* * *
B
Prof: Luckily I have got a portable Automatic Dictionary here in the flat to give you the explanations.
Greg: Oh, that’s good.
Prof: O.K. Let’s start, shall we? First N. O. Hope’s message.
N. O. Hope: The fifth tape is an amusing story about some new furniture. The people in the story lived in a block of flats, though in the twentieth century it wasn’t unusual for families to have a house to themselves with a garden. In many places there was a shortage of housing and people often had to wait for years before they had a place of their own. The local councils built many blocks of flats and let them or sold them with a high mortgage to people who couldn’t afford to build or buy a flat of their own. As to furnishing the home, furniture could be bought on hire purchase, meaning that instead of paying for it all once they paid a deposit and then instalments every month. People were beginning to use built-in furniture at that time, but a lot of it was not built-in, as you will hear in the story.
Greg: It must have been rather nice to put your furniture wherever you wanted it…
Prof: Maybe, but think of the cleaning!
Greg: Oh, you practical minded woman! But let’s listen to what the tape has to say.
* * *
C
(Tape)
Edith: … so if I were you, deary, I wouldn’t keep that wardrobe. I know it’s lovely and all that, but I’m sure you’d get a good price for it if you sold it, and you could put the new cupboard there instead. When did you say the furniture’s coming?
Maureen: Sometime this afternoon. What time is it now?
Edith: It’s getting on for twelve. I’d better go!
Maureen: Oh, my goodness, is it as late as that? Oh Edith, I wonder if you could stay for a few minutes and help me make room for the new furniture. You see it’s a surprise for my husband.
Edith: Of course, deary, you know I’d never let you down. What do you want me to do?
Maureen: Well, if you wouldn’t mind giving me a hand with this piano. I’d better put it over there. And I can’t move the wardrobe all by myself, either.
Edith: Well, if you say so, though…
Maureen: It’s not so heavy. The piano’s on wheels. You pull and I’ll push. Ready?…
Edith: Oh! My shoe! It’s got stuck. Pull the piano. You shouldn’t have pushed so hard.
Maureen: Oh wait, are you all right?
Edith: Yes, yes, I’m all right, but look at my shoe – the heel’s come off.
Maureen: Oh, I’m so sorry. How clumsy of me. There’s a shoemaker just round the corner who mends things on the spot. Sit down and I’ll take it there right away. I won’t be a moment…
* * *
Edith: (on phone) Is that you, Edna? I’m at Maureen’s. You’ll never guess, she’s getting some new furniture… Well, if you ask me it’s high time she did. They have a beautiful flat with every mod. con. but you should just see the junk she’s got – lots of antique bits and pieces, not nearly as nice as my period suite… And the carpets! Maureen says they’re valuable Persian rugs – but if you ask me they’re dirty old rags. I’d be ashamed to put them in my dustbin, let alone on my floor… What did you say?… Oh, I’ll phone you back, someone’s at the door…
D
Edith: Yes?
Removal Man: ’Morning, Mrs. Chippendale, your furniture’s arrived.
Edith: Well, Mrs. Chippendale’s out, she wasn’t expecting you till this afternoon.
Removal Man: Well, I can’t dump this on the doorstep, can I?
Edith: No, of course not – you’d better bring it in. She’ll be back in a minute.
Removal Man: Okay Fred – let’s get this desk inside. Where d’you want it?
Edith: That’s funny, she didn’t say anything about a desk. But if I were her I’d put it under the window. Over there, please. It’s awfully big. More like an office desk, if you ask me…
Removal Man: Now Fred, let’s bring up the filing cabinet next…
Edith: Filing cabinet?! Well, I always said Maureen had strange taste!
Removal Man: Sign here, please. Thank you!…
Edith: (on phone) Edna? You’d never guess, if you lived to be a hundred. She must be mad, she’s ordered a filing cabinet. It’s just arrived. Yes, that’s what I thought. And there’s a huge mahogany desk, a bright yellow synthetic leather studded settee and four matching swivel chairs. Well, I always said they were show-offs, but even if they tried they couldn’t have found anything worse. It’s tasteless, it’s impersonal and you should just see that yellow suite next to the purple and pink checked curtains… (rattling of keys) Oh, she’s coming. I’ll phone you again later… Are you back already?
Maureen: Yes, and here’s your shoe.
Edith: Well, I’ve got a surprise for you. You’ll never guess what.
Maureen: Not the furniture? Already?
Edith: Yes, just wait till you see it. It’s beautiful – It took my breath away. Especially that lovely yellow settee. The colour scheme is marvellous. An interior designer couldn’t have done better!
E
Maureen: What yellow settee?… My God – what’s this? Where is my cream-coloured sofa? And dark brown upholstered chairs? And what about my glass-topped coffee table?
Edith: What?
Maureen: This isn’t what I ordered. Why did you let them deliver this horrible furniture? This is more like an office suite.
Edith: What else could I do? Your name was on the delivery slip. I checked.
Maureen: Oh, whatever will my husband say? What can I say? What can I do? (front door opens)
Man: Maureen?
Edith: Oh, it’s your husband.
Maureen: Hello, darling.
Man: Hello.
Both: Something awful’s happened!
Man: What did you say?
Maureen: Something terrible’s happened.
Man: Don’t be silly, that’s what I said.
Maureen: But the furniture!
Man: Yes, exactly, the furniture! I’d ordered some beautiful bright yellow office furniture – you know, leather settee and swivel chairs. And instead they sent an ordinary cream-coloured sofa and some dull dark brown upholstered chairs. The funny thing is, the name was right – Chippendale.
(End of Tape)
* * *
F
Greg: Now what are we going to do without the Expression Extractor?
Prof: Well, I wondered about that, so I decided to listen to the tape before you came, and I’ve written the expressions all down. Here they are: it’s getting on for twelve, to make room for, on the spot, as it is, I won’t be a moment, every mod. con. –
Greg: Mod. con.? Whatever is that?
Prof: Modern convenience. Everything laid on – gas, electricity, hot and cold running water and so on… Then there’s: let alone, to be a show-off, to take one’s breath away, colour scheme, to be to one’s taste.
Greg: You really are most efficient, Prof.
Prof: I wish you wouldn’t call me Prof all the time. Vanessa’s my name.
Greg: But it’s so formal.
Prof: As you like. Well, Greg, come and see my super modern kitchen and my robot cook’s boy will give you a toasted sandwich.
Greg: Mmm, that’s nice.
* * *