A
Narrator: … Greg and the Professor have found three of the thirteen expressions they need to break the code: to hand in one’s notice, odds and ends and out of order.
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Prof: Here’s the fourth packet – tape and paper, carefully side by side.
Greg: Hope’s great-great-great grandfather was a very methodical man. Everything carefully arranged and put away.
Prof: And everything coded! Well, let’s start, shall we?
Greg: Yes, of course. Here’s the cassette first.
N. O. Hope: The fourth tape is about a new play that an amateur theatre group is putting on. The discussion of the characters and their appearance and habits seems to describe typical people in a typical family in the twentieth century. In some parts of the Earth there was a population explosion at that time, with people having one child after another. On the other hand some countries had a decreasing population, and the governments were encouraging larger families. It was a strange situation. Stranger still, there were a lot of broken marriages and broken homes – separation and divorce were easy to obtain, and many children had only one parent bringing them up. All this resulted in many boys and girls growing up to be irresponsible adults, caring only for money and an easy way of life.
Prof: Very sad, very sad. It’s a good thing that family planning, computer marriage and the closed circuit system of bringing up children makes that impossible today.
Greg: Yes, but this is the 31st century, don’t forget. Things should have improved by now. Anyway, I’ll put on the tape.
* * *
B
(Tape)
Director: Well, the play we’re going to start rehearsing tonight is about an ordinary family. There’s Frank, who’s a doctor in a big teaching hospital. I thought perhaps you’d play Frank, Tim.
Tim: A doctor again! You always make me play doctors. He’s tall and thin, dark with thinning hair, I take it. Am I right? They nearly always are!
Director: That more or less hits the nail on the head, but you can’t very well play a short, fat teenager, can you?
Tim: O.K., O.K. I give in, but tell me more about him.
Director: He’s middle-aged, successful, though rather a nervous type – the sort who paces up and down, and he constantly wipes his glasses with his handkerchief…
Tim: … which presumably matches his tie! I see, I think I’ve got him taped.
Director: Good, then let’s go on. Next we have Penny, his pretty young wife, whom he adores. Incidentally Frank, you’re always a bit worried about her, because of the age-gap between you. I think Penny’s rather your type, Gwendolyn – perhaps you’ll take her part.
Gwendolyn: Thank you. So she’s pretty, young and petite, has a good figure, and is rather playful… Well, what are you all laughing about?
Director: Well, those are her good points… but on the other hand she is a flirt, and rather silly – you know, a real dumb blonde.
Actress: Well, you asked for it, Gwen!
Gwendolin: And is she a housewife or what?
Director: She used to be a librarian, but she’s given it up. Now she spends all her time reading romantic novels and short stories. Now who else is there? Well, next there’s Penny’s brother, Basil. He’s the black sheep of the family. 30 years old, very good-looking and knows it – the sort who wears dark red corduroy jackets all the time, and always drives a fast sports car.
Others: Aha, we all know who that will be! Percy!
Percy: Who? Me? I’d be delighted.
Director: I thought you would be. You spend half your time chasing girls, but especially Sheila.
Actress: Who is Sheila?
Director: Haven’t I mentioned Sheila yet? She’s Frank’s daughter from his first marriage. She’s 28, still single, very shy and self-conscious. I haven’t made up my mind who that’ll be. Then there are Penny’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Kent.
Actress: And if the in-laws share the flat, I’m going home! I’m fed up with these ordinary families in overcrowded homes, getting on each other’s nerves and –
Director: But this is a very real problem today. Almost every family has its problems with the generation gap! Actually, old Mr. Kent is a charming old fellow – he chain-smokes, but not cigarettes! Oh no, he smokes Havana cigars. He’s mad on chess, and he and another old age pensioner next door spend hours playing every day.
Actress: And what about his wife?
Director: Mrs. Kent is really the man in the family. She’s the one who wears the pants.
Actress: So Mr. Kent’s a hen-pecked husband, is he?
Director: He takes care not to be at home very much. Mrs. Kent goes around all day in a track-suit. She usually jogs for an hour in the morning and she always goes swimming three times a week. And she’s mad on bridge and organizes little parties. Anyway, Mrs. Kent secretly approves of Basil and his way of life but Penny gets on her nerves. She doesn’t like her flirting and she’s rather jealous of her looks.
C
Director: Now let’s look at the first scene. Here we have Basil and Frank, that’s Percy and Tim. The scene takes place in Frank’s study. The walls are lined with bookcases and shelves. On the left there’s a drinks cabinet and next to it is Frank’s expensive hi-fi equipment.
Actress: I can just imagine it. Swiss record player, West German amplifier and four Japanese loudspeakers.
Director: And that’s not all, he has a tape recorder that would even do Radio Luxemburg proud. Anyway, we should get back to the set. There are no overhead lights because Frank prefers lamps. He has two reading lamps and a standard lamp, which stands beside a large swivel chair in the middle of the room.
Percy: And when the curtain goes up I suppose Frank is sitting there.
Director: No, you’re wrong. Actually, it’s Basil. He is lying back in the chair with his feet on the antique coffee-table listening to Frank’s hi-fi.
Percy: Good Lord. Whatever is he doing there?
Director: That’s just what Frank wants to know. He comes in and turns down the sound. All right. Let’s start.
* * *
D
(Rehearsing the play)
Frank: What are you doing? Whatever are you doing? Get your feet off that table.
Basil: Hallo. You’re here at last. I’ve been listening to your boring classical records for more than an hour now. I’m fed up.
Frank: You’re fed up! What do you think you’re doing here anyway? You’ve no right to come in here and mess around with my things. Why aren’t you at work? What do you want?
Basil: Money, my dear brother-in-law, filthy money as usual.
Frank: How many times have I told you I won’t give you any more money. You’re far too unreliable. You should live within your income for a change.
Basil: Oh, come, my dear brother-in-law, you know I won’t ask you again. But I simply must get some as soon as I can. I’ve hardly any time left. And there’ll be trouble if you…
Frank: Trouble? You’re always in trouble. But don’t come running to me all the time. If you worked hard and didn’t mess around with girls and fast cars, you’d be a better person. Now get out of here. I won’t put up with this any longer. I’ve got work to do.
Basil: Hah, you’ll be sorry for this, you’ll see.
(End of Tape)
* * *
E
Greg: Is that the end of the tape? It was just getting exciting. Now we’ll never know what happens.
Prof: That’s not the point, you know! That was a unique piece of 20th century family life.
Greg: I wonder! I’ll put the tape into the Ex.Ex.
Ex.Ex.: to hit the nail on the head, to give in, to get on somebody’s nerves, she’s the one who wears the pants, to put up with something or somebody, what do you think you are doing? to mess around with something, to live within one’s income.
Greg: All right. There they are. Now we should look at the translation to find the matching expression!
Prof: No, I think we’ve had enough for today.
Greg: O.K. But you know what, Prof? Let’s go for a ride in my new Air-Rover down the Milky Way.
Prof: Marvellous, Greg, I’ll just change into my new space-frock… I won’t be a minute.
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